No, He is NOT my Husband

I have been single for almost 5 years.

When I finally stopped responding to my ex’s pathetic “Are you still mad at me?” text messages, I said that my next boyfriend would be my future husband. When I spoke those words I didn’t think it would take this long and I didn’t know that God would hold me to it!

Naturally, after we finally separated I didn’t want to think about dating. As far as I was concerned all men were jerks and they were just here to take up space and anger women. I was angry with myself for allowing a relationship that should have never flourished to be drawn out for 2 long, mostly miserable and kind of embarrassing, years.  As I began to move on with my life and entertain the thought of dating again, I realized that I still wasn’t ready. When men would try and ask me out I would come up with an extravagant excuse as to why I couldn’t go like I have to feed my cat (I HATE cats), I have to help my grandmother move (they both passed many years ago – may they rest in peace) or I just flat out gave them a look of disgust. Looking back, I probably skipped over a lot of good guys – something that I would currently enjoy in my life. 

Now that I am older and much “wiser”, I am ready to enter into a courtship that will lead to marriage. I am not fit to be a forever girlfriend and I truly believe that when God allows my future husband and I to cross paths that we will immediately recognize each other (this is one of my specific prayers). I have been seriously ready to be a wife for about 3 years 1 ½ years and since the moment I felt “ready” I have been seeing all guys in two categories – those with wedding rings and those without. 

Until recently (like yesterday) I would look at every man’s face and if I was attracted to him, my eyes would make their way to his left hand ring finger. If I didn’t see a wedding ring my imagination would take off cheetah fast:

“Is he my future husband?”

“Is he the possible father to my future kids?”

“I wonder how he acts when he gets upset.”

“Does he have a relationship with Jesus and will he be able to lead our family?”

“I hope he doesn’t smoke.”

“If he has more than 1 kid he might as well not even bother.”

This sounds really crazy as I write but honesty is the best policy. After my imagination settled down, his woman would usually appear from the next aisle and I would get irritated for wasting my imagination. My irritation later grew to disappointment when I returned home without being approached by anyone.

I haven’t been out on a date in over a year and half – since I deemed myself ready to be a wife. I know that the Lord is hiding and protecting me from the wrong men and preparing me for the right one. I am grateful that he cares enough to spare me unnecessary heartache. It is not my job to try and “assist” God with finding my mate by sizing up every male in my presence but to thoroughly enjoy the season that I am currently in.

seasons

Today as I ran errands, I did not look at men and wonder if we had a future together. I went out, handled my business and came home without the dreaded feeling of disappointment.

My Good Thing is on his way!

–  Live Life, God Bless

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4 thoughts on “No, He is NOT my Husband

  1. Your post reminded me that I used to instinctively glance for wedding rings too when I saw a good looking stranger. I am glad that I have stopped with that involuntary reflex. I hope you meet someone great really soon. I understand what it feels like to “wait”.

    Like

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